Find me
by nightcrawls
Summary: We must read to fine the meaning
1. Chapter 1

I do not own gw nor do i pretend to own the computer i wrote this on, if thats not saying how poor i am then if you sue me all you would be getting is a doc, note saying i have commited self sueave, HA! i can make words up, and now to fall into the land of gibberish. but before i go: MY NAME IS COURT HOLEIO LOOK AT MY BUMB HOLE! bevias and butt head

_desends into the land of gibberish _

My Last thoughts

_I love it when you wake up in the morning go out to the kichen and start making breakfast even when it's just the two of us in the safe house, _

_the way you never turn around to greet me in the morning even though you know I'm there._

_but you always bring me my coffee when I sit at the table and say nothing to you._

_I wonder when you figured out how I liked it?_

_do you know why mornings like these I wish not to talk but to sit and enjoy the perfectness of the moment?_

_you probably think I have a hang over, Q-beam would be feeling my head to see if I had a fever._

_Trowa would stare at me, and even though he's not checking me for fever like Quatre he would still be trying to figure out what was wrong._

_Wufie would start yelling that I did something wrong and thats why I'm not saying anything _

_and then he would go off into one of his justice rambles that I would tune out with a goofey smile._

_but you? no, you say nothing, even if I was sick you would do what needed to be done and leave it at that._

_no concerns, no hostility, no quiet contomplation, just acceptance._

as I sit here reading what I thought to be Duo's diary trying to figure out what happened to him or a clue to where he might be,

I find myself trying to figure out the day he talked about, seeing that he didn't date or time his entries, the moments we shared in relative quietness

were few and far between, and I never noticed myself when I started remembering how he liked his coffee but now that I think about it,

I know just exactly how he drinks it, I guess he's more observant than I am. I turn back to the book labled "Things I'll never tell you"

_Oh man He-chan, you would not believe the night I had that last mission was a bitch._

_you would probably shoot me in the head for messin up the way I did._

_just thinking back to it makes me want to laugh out loud but I know better._

_everything hurts, I wish I could just stop breathing,_

_but I know if I falter you would leave me behind or better yet shoot me._

_boy was Q-beam pissed with me, but he didn't have to take it out on you_

_you didn't know, I never told you that bullet had hit my lungs fuck! I Didn't know it hit my lung, but I could have told you._

_can you say dumbfuck?_

_you wouldn't, you would say Baka, oh wait thats what you said right before I passed out._

_when I came to Quatre looked like someoe kicked his puppy._

_poor guy, I hate making him look so sad. but when he noticed me awake he was so happy_

_I didn't have to come up with a corny joke or pun right away, you just came in and told him to save it cause I needed my rest. thanks man_

I remebered that time, I was so shocked with myself for saying that I had just turned around and walked out.

I was as mad as Winner was, but after seeing him do that to you, I just couldn't stay mad at you for pulling such a stupid stunt.

I wonder if you knew that I would have carried you? I would not have shot you, I couldn't do it when you first got captured

and I couldn't do it then either.

_The war is over, so many people are happy, but for some reasons I can't take my eyes off you.Quatre keeps yelling "Look at the fireworks"_

_but all I can see is the way they make your eyes light up. I think this is the first time you have ever seen them, I wish I could take your hand._

_I see the way the you flex, your excited to see te burst of light in the sky, like fire flies living and dieing within a second of each other, _

_but in your eyes the light lingers just a little bit longer. I could stand here and watch the fireworks through your eyes forever._

You knew, wow I didn't think I showed any emotion when I saw those fireworks for the first time, I can't believe you can interprit my body

language so easly. This isn't getting me anywere, all I found out is that you cared for me.

_It's times like this I remember why I love the earth so much, the ability to see the moon from this perspective makes me miss flying, but love being on the ground_

_on L2 I never got to see the moon all I had was a meat loof and some times if I look hard enough in the dark I can see the blown light bulbs, but here on earth standing here_

_where we all stood to watch our Gundums go into the sun, it makes me want to go to the edge and stare up at that magnificent moon, spread my arms, turn around and _

_fall in a way that would let me see the moon, let it be the last thing I see as I die, that way when I slowly close them and reopen them i will be able to see sister Hellen again._

_and father Maxwell, and even Solo smiling with his arms folded, waiting for me, everyone will be smilling, and when I run up to them to say I did it I'm done I'm finally home_

_they will disappear and I will be in hell, and then I'll be able to pay for my crimes, but before that I would know I got to see them all one last time. but I would be forever sadden_

_to know that I never got to see you one last time, to tell you with my own voice how I felt about you, to see your eyes no matter what your reaction would be to my declaration_

_I'll miss you Heero, you,Trowa,Quatre,and even that loud but honorable Wufie. I'll miss you all. Please forgive me for taking the cowards way out, but I just want to sit here and watch the _

_moon one last time, just one more time before I say goodbye forever. I'm happy I got to live to see the end of this battle, I'm glad I got to be there when you all were declared heros, _

_I'm glad I got to fight along side you guys, I have fulfilled my promise and it's time for me to stop holding on, please if your not mad at me too much Heero, could you bury me on L2 with _

_the rest of the Maxwell orpheins. There's already a grave there for me right beside Sister Hellen, I would love for you to do me just this one favor. I have never asked for anything before_

_and I'm sorry if you think I don't have the right to ask you. I hope you can also read this, It's been so long since I cryed it's hard not to right now and I know i'm messing up the pages by doing so_

_if you feel anything for me know that if things were different I would wait for you, I would hold your hands and carry you onto your next life or what ever it is that your ansisters go to._

_but knowing full well that is wishfull thinking, I won't promise you this, I will promise you a final good bye though, if you haven't figured out where I am when you finish reading this then it wasn't meant to be_

_I wasn't meant to say good bye to you, I would not get that one request from god, he's a funny one like that, you have untill midnight to find me by the clues I've lefted you._

thats it, thats all, it just ends there, I don't get it. why? why is it so blurry, why can't I re-read that last entry clearly again? wait whats falling onto my hands? flowing down my cheeks, am I crying? am I really crying?

"Heero? have you found anything yet as to where Duo is? Heero? Trowa come quick i think Heero found something" yelled the voice beside

"what did he find little one?" asked Trowa has he enter's the room,followed by one Chang Wufie "yes Winner what is it and whats wrong with Yui?" asked Wufie to Quatre looking at Heero and considering calling sally

" I don't know I found him like this" said Quatre not looking at the others but at Heero and what he had in is hands, "I think he found out where duo is" slowly taking the beat up worn book with scribble and stick figure draw on the cover, lookin it has seen better days, quickly scanning the page that Heero seemed to have found the answer Quatre placed his had over his mouth and looked to Heero, then to the window seeing that it is way pass dusk, "what time is it?" asked Quatre staring out the window "what Winner?" asked Wufie "what time is it?" asked Quatre again "what does that have-" "WHAT FUCKING TIME IS IT?" now Trowa looked up from checking Heero's vitals, he loooked down on his wrist watch "10:35 pm" was his only answer as Wufie stood there trying to comprend that Quatre just cursed "Heero you have one hour and twenty mitues to get to him, go now" said Quatre in a deathly calm voice not turning around, but clutching the book in white nuckles.

"mission accepted"

AN Im eveil huh? lol i do try. this is a one shot, if you want to know what happends next you have to hit me up with reviews or request for another chapter, that does not mean to hit me, i was talking figatively speaking, man you guys are more sadictic than I!


	2. Chapter 2

hey guess what? i finished this a long time ago but never got around to post it. hope you like and all that jazz. i was oing to end it here but desided to add a short peace, that is next page/chapter. so for all that asked for another chappy here ya go. plz try not to hurt me too bad when your done readding i kinda need my fingers to write other stories for other people.

Chapter2: Before i fall

_putting on my jacket and walking out the door has never been this hard before, i feel like theres a weight on me, and i have no idea how to dislodge it._ walking to the bike parked at the side of the garage Heero reached into his rigt pocket and took out his keys, staring up its engins and listining to it rear up before he started on his mission. _ can i do this? can i really go after him? what am going to say to him? what can i say to him? what am i doing?_ "stop it Heero, second quessing yourself will cost you Duo's life"

_i never even hear Quatre come out much less went to stand infront of my bikeI_

"what am going to do when i find him?"

"what do you want to do when you find him Heero?"

" you can't answer my quest with my own Question Quatre"

"why not Heero? if you asked it and know the answer to it? why not hear it from another's mouth? maybe then you'll be able to see the answer"

"your not makin sence Quatre"

"no Heero your just making it harder, stop staling and go, you don't have the time for this"

"but i still-"

"yes you do now go, one of Duo's saying is what you need 'just wing it man' now don't you dear come back here without Duo with you, dead but most wanted alive"

with a slight smile on his face Heero answered "i'll do my best" moving out of his way Quatre smiled and patted Heero's back and went inside to stand by the window

_i can't seem to look down at my watch, counting the time down to the last second before i die, i wish- o what am i wishing for? love? a family? thats all long gone dead in the ground, bones and dust, dust that will blow away with the wind and forgotten like all memories, a distant tail of lives lost that will never be remembered. records that will be missplaced, man do i sound emo. did i always felt like this? i can't remember a day that hasn't gone by that i haven't felt down, that it doesn't feel like my memories are holding me under, i feel so cold its numming._

_i can hear sounds in the distant sounds of people living, going about their busniss has if no one else mattered but them. but i'm being selfish i shouldn't think that, sister hellen would look at me with eyes that makes you feel bad, even if you didn't do anything, i wonder how she does that look, did she pratcis it like Heero does his death glare on me? heh, proberly._

"Duo, don't leave me" said a voice slowly walking up behind Duo " why not? give me one reason why i should still be here? give me one reason why i should keep living, why i should see the sun rize one more time, why i should let you hold me like your doing now? why i shouldn't push you off me and take that final step, tell me Heero, tell me" with tears in his eye because of Duo's harsh words Heero couldn't answer, he couldn't find the words, all he did was rest his head on Duo's soulder and let him feel the tears he slightlently cry " why are you doing this to me Heero?" ask Duo not turning around " I" "you what Heero?" " I " what is it Heero? say it or let me go"

" I can't let you go"

"why not?" asked Duo slowly tencing up his shoulders to losen Heero's grip

"can i come with you?" asked Heero instead of finishing what he really wanted to say

"what?" asked Duo.

"i said, can i come with you" repeated Heero.

"why would you want to come with me?" asked Duo

"because i have no idea on how to talk you out of not doing it, so why not join you?" answered Heero

'Heero, where did you come up wit that logic?" said Duo

'does it matter?" asked Heero

"well kinda, i mean why would you want to join me? i can't handle my own death much less your own" said Duo

"oh so you are selfish enough to ask me, to take care of your body after you die, even the gall to ask me to come say good bye to you, proberly to come watch you die, after i just went through a war? no after We just went through a war, you want me to come all the way here, where i found grate joy watching fire works for the first time with you by my side? to watch you die? to tarnish that wonderfull memory with your death? tell me where me you don't fine logic? tell me Duo? tell me where in that excldes me out of being with you, out of being by your side to watch the moon and the stars, to remember the times we had together? tell me where in there i'm suppose to pick up your peases alone. tell me Duo tell me because for sosme reason i can not process this." the last was said in a mear whisper because Heero's voice had raned out on him while he was screaming, and now it was just a hoarse rememberance of that deep viberant voice that Duo once knew.

"Heero-" Turning around Duo saw no one behind him

riding at a dangerously fast pase Heero thought to himself that he wouldn't be able to make it, that when he got there Duo would be long gone swiming at the bottom of the ocean with his heart and wonderful memories, with that resolution he reved up the acciurator and tryed to push the bike faster than it was ment to go, praying to gods he doesn't beleive in and ansistors he doesn't know to let him make it on time.

pulling up to the turn off that leads up to the cliff Heero took the turn so close that his knee touched the asphalt and he now had one ripped gean pant leg, now able to almost see the top Heero looked up to the sky and couldn't see the moon, looking back at the road refusing to beleive that he may just be too late, Heero tryed to push the bike faster but luck seemed to not be on his side has the bike instead of speeding up slowed down, untill it stoped trying to start up the bike Heero cursed it, hoped off and started running the rest by foot. in the distance Heero could almost make out a small figure standing on the very tip of the cliff with lungs burning and heart pumping eero tryed to take in one breath to yell out to the figure but sweat started falling into his eyes the same time he screamed so he whiped the back of his hands over his eyes to clear the sweat from it the few seconds it took to do that little tihing the figure was gone

"No, NO, please don't let me be too late" said Heero in a clearly tryed and hoarce voice, running to the tip where he saw the figure Heero stopped there and bent down to chach his breath.

"you know if your going to run like that, you should always breath in through your mouth and out through your nose right?"

said a voice with the sound of laughter in it. turning to the lefted of him Heero saw a figuer leaning on a tree not too far off from where he is,

pushing off from the tree Heero said " I thought i had missed you"

chuclking the figure answered while still slowly walking into the little light that radiated the cliff over looking the ocean

"well then let me put your mine to rest"

"the moon is hiding, of all the nights its hiding tonight, tell me thats not ironic?"

continued the shadowed figure Heero just stood there trying to fine the words to say to fine the meaning on why he tryed so hard to make it to Duo to try and stop him from jumping; from leaving him, but now that he was there now that he could say what he felt he was losted, no words came to mind, no sentence made sence he had no were to start.

"you know i always liked your silence, it was so comforting" seeing the figure look up to the sky Heero himself looked up now seeing that there was no moon light because there was no moon, but because the clouds where so thick it hid the moon comepletly.

"hey i think the moon is coming out, do you know what time it is by any chance?"

looking down to his hand Heero noticed that he forgot to put a watch on

"no i'm sorry i fotgot-"

looking to where the guy was standing by the tree Heero noticed that he was alone.

"i'm sorry Duo"

standing there with slient tears slowly falling down his face Heero bid his love feawell.

with memories and tears by his side to confort him, the rain that was on the verge of falling started,

but the lone figure which stood ontop of the cliff felt nothing.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: we will remember

feeling a grate sadness, Quatre smiled. turned from the window and closed the curtens. going to sit by Trowa and leaning on him.

Trowa slowly placed his arms around Quatre, and continued staring at the tv that was not turned on.

looking to the side he saw Wufie breath deeply has he pushed off from the wall he was on with folled hands, to walk to the door.

with one look back at the now quite crying blonde, he knew, they all knew, what had happened without a word being said.

standing at the open door to watch the rain, distant echo or vocies was heard through out the house.

of laughter, screaming, or joy and anger, curses in other langueges, shadows of a time now gone played like a hallogram.

and yet no one could stop the memories from comin and going like that of the wind that blows through.

with the essence of a lovers smell lingering on a pillow case, so does the memoreis fade, and in time the pain will lessen

but never gone.

with time all will move on.

and on days like this where it is quite.

when the three serviving pilats come together, they will take the time to remember these long ago memories of ones that will never be replaced

and on in a distance future two souls will be reborn to start their jonery again, in anoter life and another era.

hopefully they will get the chance they where never granted by faith the first time around.


End file.
